Wajahnya kehitaman. Wajahnya pun jauh dari cantik. Usianya tak bisa lagi dibilang muda. Waktu pertama kali masuk ke rumah perempuan itu, hampir saja lelaki itu percaya ia berada di rumah hantu. Lelaki tampan itu pun sejenak ragu. Sanggupkah ia menjalani keputusannya??? Tapi ia segera kembali pada tekadnya. Ia sudah memutuskan untuk menikahi dan mencintai perempuan itu. Apapun risikonya. Suatu saat perempuan itu berkata padanya, “Ini emas-emasku yang sudah lama kutabung, pakailah ini untuk mencari perempuan idamanmu, aku hanya membutuhkan status bahwa aku pernah menikah dan menjadi seorang istri.” Tapi lelaki itu malah menjawab, “Aku sudah memutuskan untuk mencintaimu. Aku takkan menikah lagi."
Semua orang terheran-heran. Keluarga itu tetap utuh sepanjang hidup mereka. Bahkan mereka dikaruniai anak-anak dengan kepandaian dan kecantikan yang luar biasa. Bertahun-tahun kemudian orang-orang menanyakan rahasia ini padanya. Lelaki itu menjawab enteng, “Aku memutuskan untuk mencintainya. Aku berusaha melakukan yang terbaik. Perempuan itu melakukan semua kebaikan-kebaikan yang bisa ia lakukan untukku. Sampai aku bahkan tak pernah merasakan kulit hitamnya dan ketidak-rupawanan wajahnya dalam kesadaranku. Yang kurasakan adalah kenyamanan jiwa yang melupakan aku pada fisiknya….”
Rahasia dari sebuah hubungan yang sukses bertahan dalam waktu lama adalah pembuktian cinta yang terus menerus. Yang dilakukan para pecinta sejati adalah memberi tanpa henti. Hubungan bisa bertahan lama bukan karena perasaan cinta yang bersemi di dalam hati, tapi karena kebaikan tiada henti yang dilahirkan oleh perasaan cinta itu. Seperti lelaki itu, yang terus membahagiakan istrinya, begitu ia memutuskan untuk mencintainya. Dan istrinya, yang terus menerus melahirkan kebajikan-kebajikan dari cinta tanpa henti sepanjang hari….
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Sudarmono, Dr.(2010). Mutiara Kalbu Sebening Embun Pagi, 1001 Kisah Sumber Inspirasi, Idea Press, Yogyakarta. Hal. 257-258. ISBN 978-6028-686-402.
Actions of Love
Many people suffer daily from anxiety, depression, and feelings of inadequacy. The major cause of these feelings is a lack of loving action in their own behalf. Taking loving action will change everything in your life, including your relationships.
Myrna, 38 and a successful physician, sought my help because she often felt inadequate. While she really valued herself as a doctor, she did not value herself in her important relationships with friends and family. In addition, she said she wanted to be in a loving relationship but she took no actions to meet available men.
In the course of our work together, it became apparent that Myrna rarely took loving action in her own behalf with her friends and family. For example, Jessica, one of Myrna’s friends, would often get angry and blame Myrna when Myrna was not available for dinner with Jessica. Myrna would feel guilty and responsible for Jessica’s feelings and meet her for dinner even when she was exhausted from work. Myrna would feel drained after these dinners and depressed for a few days after, never realizing it was because she had not taken loving care of herself.
Myrna realized that the reason she was afraid to be in a relationship was because she had no idea how to take care of herself around others. She was terrified of completely losing herself in an important relationship. She realized that if she could not speak up for herself with Jessica, how could she ever speak up and take loving action for herself with a man she was in love with? She realized that she would continue to feel lonely, anxious, inadequate and depressed until she learned to take loving action for herself.
Many people suffer daily from anxiety, depression, stress, and anger as well as from feelings of guilt, shame and inadequacy. The major cause of these feelings is a lack of loving action in their own behalf.
Loving actions fall into two categories: Loving actions for yourself and loving actions in relationship to others.
LOVING ACTIONS FOR YOURSELF
Loving actions for yourself are those actions that attend to your own needs. When you take loving action in your own behalf, you are letting yourself know that you matter, you are important, you count. When you fail to take loving action, you give yourself the message that you are not important, which leads to feelings of depression and inadequacy.
Loving actions for yourself might include:
* Eating nutritious foods, avoiding junk food and sugar, eating when hungry and stopping when full.
* Getting enough exercise.
* Keeping your work and home environments clean and organized.
* Getting enough sleep.
* Eating nutritious foods, avoiding junk food and sugar, eating when hungry and stopping when full.
* Getting enough exercise.
* Keeping your work and home environments clean and organized.
* Getting enough sleep.
* Creating a balance between work and play. Making sure you have time to get your work done, as well as time to do nothing, reflect, learn, play and create.
* Creating a good support system of people who love and care about you.
* Being organized with your time, getting places on time, paying bills on time, and so on.
* Choosing to be compassionate with yourself rather than judgmental toward yourself.
* Creating a balance between time for yourself and time with others.
* Making sure you are physically safe by wearing a seat belt in a car, a helmet on a motorcycle, scooter, or bike, goggles when necessary, and so on.
* Creating a good support system of people who love and care about you.
* Being organized with your time, getting places on time, paying bills on time, and so on.
* Choosing to be compassionate with yourself rather than judgmental toward yourself.
* Creating a balance between time for yourself and time with others.
* Making sure you are physically safe by wearing a seat belt in a car, a helmet on a motorcycle, scooter, or bike, goggles when necessary, and so on.
LOVING ACTIONS IN RELATIONSHIP TO OTHERS
Loving actions in relationship to others might include:
* Being kind and compassionate toward others without compromising your own integrity or ignoring your own needs and feelings.
* Saying no when you mean no and yes when you mean yes, rather than giving yourself up and going along with something you don’t want to do, or automatically resisting what another wants from you.
* Taking care of your own needs instead of trying to change and control others. Accepting your lack of control over others and either accepting them as they are or not being around them.
* Speaking your truth about what is acceptable to you and what is unacceptable and then taking action for yourself based on your truth.
* Taking personal responsibility for your own feelings and needs, instead of being a victim and making others responsible for your feelings and needs.
* Being kind and compassionate toward others without compromising your own integrity or ignoring your own needs and feelings.
* Saying no when you mean no and yes when you mean yes, rather than giving yourself up and going along with something you don’t want to do, or automatically resisting what another wants from you.
* Taking care of your own needs instead of trying to change and control others. Accepting your lack of control over others and either accepting them as they are or not being around them.
* Speaking your truth about what is acceptable to you and what is unacceptable and then taking action for yourself based on your truth.
* Taking personal responsibility for your own feelings and needs, instead of being a victim and making others responsible for your feelings and needs.
* Creating a balance between giving and receiving, rather than a one-way street with another person.
As a result of learning to take better care of herself alone and with others, Myrna no longer felt depressed and inadequate. She gradually lost her fears of being in a relationship, and is delighted to be meeting available men.
As a result of learning to take better care of herself alone and with others, Myrna no longer felt depressed and inadequate. She gradually lost her fears of being in a relationship, and is delighted to be meeting available men.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available. http://www.facebook.com/margaret.paul?sk=info
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